How You Are Helping the Terrorists With Each and Every Breath.

Hot on the heels of the news that U.S. made weapons are being used against protesters in Bahrain comes a report from the Heritage Foundation that each and every American has directly aided terrorists by sharing air with them. From the report:

Each American takes on average 1-2 liters of air per breath, nearly 11,000 liters a day. Combined, more than 300 million Americans are exhaling almost 3 trillion liters of breath every single day - most of which heads east on the wind.Carried across the Atlantic, this exhaled air is breathed in by much of Europe and the Arab world. Due to mixing and turbulence, it is a statistical certainty that many of the molecules of carbon dioxide, oxygen, and nitrogen breathed out by Americans is breathed in within hours by al-Qaeda operatives in the mountains of Afghanistan.
Therefore, without doing anything but breathe, millions of Americans ensure the survival of terrorists every day.

It is the recommendation of the Heritage Foundation that America adopt a "no exhalation" policy until the full effects of American breathing can be calculated.

Scientists across the nation cried foul, claiming not only that the random mixing of air prevents any possibility of placing blame for terrorists ability to breathe on any one group, but also that a legal requirement to "not exhale" would cause more American deaths than terrorists ever could. However, these claims have been largely dismissed by many in the GOP, suggesting "science" is just a tool of the liberal elite to blind us to the coming Islamic takeover: "When the Muslims take over America...where will we get our air to breathe then?"

Dr. Simon Shapiro, an atmospheric physicist at UC-Berkeley said in a statement "the idea that we should be held culpable for the molecules in our breathe is absurd. Certainly we can choose where we breathe in and exhale. But once that breath has left our bodies, we can not control what becomes of it."

In a related story, the Department of Justice today filed suit against Sol, also known as "the Sun," which the DOJ claims is aiding and abetting terrorists by providing them light to see with. No word yet on whether the Planet Earth will be added to the lawsuit, though government officials have suggested that "no naturally existing phenomena that indirectly makes it possible for terrorists to be alive is beyond our scope at this point."


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