Delusional Dieting

TAE holds that the reason most, if not all, diet programs fail is because nothing craves the sweetness of sugar like the human brain. Frankly, its the biggest energy hog per pound in your body. Run low on blood sugar, and you get light-headed as your brain goes into low-power mode.

So the idea that you can lose weight be reducing your total calorie intake makes perfect sense except for the part where your brain is going to go "what the hell?!" and demand more calories. You might be able to eat 6 small, low-calorie meals a day and trick your stomach into thinking it is constantly not-empty. You might be able to eat more protein and less carbohydrates, giving you a full feeling longer while cutting down on calories.

But your brain remembers what an incredible rush it is to have a blood sugar surge. It remembers the sensational feeling of limitless energy available. It knows exactly what it is capable of doing, totally jacked up on sugar. You probably imprinted this on yourself as a kid, the first time you drank a soda or ate cake.

So think of your brain as an independent organism, like your pet dog for example. Imagine feeding your dog a fresh, thick slice of bacon. Then imagine waiting a week and cooking bacon. Will your dog come beg for another slice? You betcha. Now imagine your house being filled with shelves of hot, steamy bacon. Imagine that all that bacon is within reach of your dog. Will your dog resist the temptation to eat that bacon until it is sick? No, your dog will eat bacon until it pukes. And rightly so, bacon is delicous!
The same is true for your brain, really. Your whole house is filled with yummy, carb-loaded crap. Your brain wants those carbs! So it deludes you into thinking maybe just one little snackiepoo is okay...then another...then another. Or you go to the grocery store and walk down aisles filled with carbohydrate-laden garbage, seeking the healthy stuff. But your brain doesn't want healthy stuff, it wants the garbage! So it convinces you to buy a cake mix...which of course you'll cook for someone else, you tell yourself. Your brain convinces you dessert is okay tonight - its a special occasion! Your brain convinces you a pop a day is okay - everything in moderation! Your brain convinces you that you are too tired to exercise - I'll do a hard workout tomorrow!

All this, you see, is the subconscious chemical addiction your brain has for sugar. So the failure of most, if not all diets, does not surprise me.

Of course, being the engineer I am, I have a solution: outfox the fox! Studies have shown that rats fed a diet with real sugar actually gain less weight than rats given a diet which included artificial sweetener. The reason for this, scientists deduced, is that the aspartame/saccharin-fed rats experienced a rebellion in their brain. Essentially, their taste-buds would think they were getting sugar due to the aspartame's sweetness. Then their blood sugar would drop because their brain expected sugar to be present and produced insulin. So then they'd get hungrier than ever and eat more...leading to weight gain. Their sugar-fed friends got exactly as many sugar calories as their taste buds and brains thought they were, and had a normal diet.

But TAE thinks we can twist this reality around on ourselves! And so I present: The Artificial Sugar Diet.
Did you know there are over 6,000 foods in the United States that contain only artificial sugar? Soft drinks, instant breakfasts, coffee sweetener, breath mints, gum, soy milk, yogurt, many desserts, wine coolers, and a veritable smorgasbord of others. Almost anything that contains sugar can now be made with aspartame as a substitute.
So TAE suggests this: like a derivation of the Atkins diet, eat no carbs. But unlike the Atkins, you do not have to restrict yourself to protein-based foods only. Instead you can nom-nom on all the delicious food you want, as long as the only carbohydrate it has is aspartame or saccharin (which is technically not a carbohydrate). This way, your brain will think it is getting the sweet, wondrous surge of sugar one would obtain from eating a big bowl of ice cream...but you don't get any of that sugar!
Of course, based on the rat study mentioned above, one would expect your brain to get super pissed when it realizes you've betrayed it. Here's the solution: keep eating artificial sugar. Your brain, placated, will shut up again and stop trying to connive sugar for itself.
And so this process will repeat itself all day, every day, as you rapidly and safely slough off the pounds.
Haven't really thought of an endgame yet, however. Maybe that's my brain trying to outsmart me, yet again.


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